I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
