hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
