Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
