Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
