I hate your face
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
