When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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