Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
