dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
