If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
