3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
