Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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