I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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