We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
