My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Randomize
