i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Randomize
