she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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