don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
