I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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