I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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