brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The beer is more important than you right now.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
