I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize