I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
