After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
