It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
