I'm jealous of your bromance
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
