I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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