Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
