Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
