He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
