Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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