The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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