More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
