I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
