so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
