i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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