Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
