just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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