just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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