That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
