So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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