naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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