I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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