The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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