did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
