R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Are we in a gay sports bar?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
