whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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