Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
