Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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