why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
