not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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