Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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