I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
