I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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