I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
