Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She's the barista slut.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
