just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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