Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize