I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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