Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We're too hungover to prance.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
