I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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