I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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