oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
